I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
