Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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