I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
