He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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