I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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