So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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