some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
