you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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