The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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