I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
