dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My life is pants optional.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
