Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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