She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
