We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
