He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
