So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
