Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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