I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
