Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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