Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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