My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
