either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
