apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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