Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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