when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
