Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
