Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
