And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
