I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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