Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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