All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
