How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
