you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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