i need an iv and a liver transplant
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
