That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
