I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize