weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
