Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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