My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
