Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
