the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
