You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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