Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
