he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
