Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
