we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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