I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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