Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
