when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
