I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
