Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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