Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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