No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
