I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
