sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
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