just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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