she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize