in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
