You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
