Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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