the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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