I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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