He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
