is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
