At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
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Even my vagina gasped.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face