new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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