someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
