my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
