You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My dick has a subreddit
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
