now i know why i became what i already was.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
