My sheets look like a crime scene.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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