I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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