Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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