My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just pee around me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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