Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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