I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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