he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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