Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
