he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
