I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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