I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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