wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Mom said you looked used
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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